Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
