White coat. Heels.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
God I need to hump something, right now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
