they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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