your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
