I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
