So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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