There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
