shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
