I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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