You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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