i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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