I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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