Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
