I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
