I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize