She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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