People in love make me want to vomit
The best revenge is premature balding
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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