There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
