I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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