One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
