I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize