Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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