Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
