somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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