nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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