I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
