He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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