I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
