Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
