Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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