Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize