Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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