You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize