she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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