There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
