My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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