You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
