32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
