So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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