Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
