There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
