She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
