I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
