just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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