I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize