I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
3pm strippers are depressing
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize