I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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