Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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