If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
