I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
