I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
