I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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