Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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