If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
