I'm jealous of your bromance
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
