i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
