My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
