you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
