Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
