Im at strip club and am horny
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My cat gives me a boner
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
