VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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