Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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