Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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