i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
