just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
