Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
