The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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