***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
