My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
